Lakewood Falling Down

To Step On Your Friend

2010-03-18T17:53:00.003-04:00

I had an interesting conversation with my brother about Pesach earlier this afternoon. Of course, we were talking about the stress of any Yom Tov, and the fact that this one in particular costs so much money see here here or any post here. The problem we talked about is that we are so overwhelmed with people asking for tzedakah that we fail to restrain our collective brethren, the Orthodox communit,y from taking advantage of the stupid people, or as I like to call them, "Chumrah Impaired" There is a rescission. The yeshivas can't pay their bills, Lion of Zion has his tuition raised, and all we can do if find ways to charge others for stupidity.
See:
http://www.vosizneias.com/51367/2010/03/16/toronto-canadian-factory-gets-kosher-certification-for-paper-towels/
Sigh....

Happy Purim!

2010-02-28T13:35:00.001-05:00

Enjoy the day!

State of the Union

2010-01-27T21:38:00.005-05:00

OK, Blah blah blah Obama. I couldn't listen to the guy without thinking about... Jeff Dunham. I just kept looking at the Vice President on the left side of Obama and thinking this:

They look alike to me!

By the way, If everyone is getting a taxbreak, where the heck is Obama getting the money to pay for everything?

Stealing an Idea

2009-12-28T14:37:00.004-05:00

For those of you who don't know, I'm a little bit of a science fiction nerd, and I am a "Trekkie". No, I don't go to conventions, but I do follow some authors (like Peter David) because I like science fiction, and the way they write. I think it goes back to when I was I kid, but I digress. One of the things I always liked about Next Generation was the Holodeck. Now I'll digress. When I was a kid, my FAVORITE cartoon was a series called Starblazers. It was really cool. I always wanted to point out that they had the idea for a Holodeck first, and animated it.
Pre Holodeck-Holodeck So much for an original idea!
Enjoy!

My March With the Penguins

2009-12-28T13:38:00.004-05:00

This past weekend, I got to go home and spend Shabbos with my parents. It was a bit unusual as experiences go because the Shul my parents daven in has become so old, that it no longer has a Minyan on Friday night or Shabbos afternoons. This was my first shabbos home since the Friday night minyan was declared gone. The only way they get a minyan at all on Shabbos day is by the Yeshiva that is a few blocks away sending some bochurim to make the minyan and lein. It's tough for my father because the walking has become difficult, and the Yeshiva is just to far to go, especially in inclement weather. So I went to daven Friday night at the yeshiva. I've been out of yeshiva for quite some time now, and I forgot about a few things. First, there is a break to learn between Kabbalas Shabbos and Maariv. But the cool "Penguiny" thing I forgot is watching the Rabbeim walk in. I sat in the back right, and the entrance to the Beis Hamedresh is in the front left. Whenever a Rebby would walk in you got a cool "Penguin Wave" of everyone standing up, and then sitting down. It was cool the first time, by by Rabbi #4 I was cracking up. I really like to watch the pipsqueak freshmen who standing up or sitting down has little effect on their height. I personally always stand the entire davening so I didn't pop up and down with the 400+ penguins in the yeshiva. To the yeshiva's credit, each bochur was polite and asked if I needed anything, like a siddur or some seforim during the break. It's nice to see that all penguins aren't so cold.

Cultural Norms

2009-12-15T21:15:00.001-05:00

I haven’t posted in a while, but I had a sobering conversation today. I am a special education teacher. I work in an environment almost completely surrounded by blacks, and I keep my yarmulke on. I have a girl who substitutes in my class from time to time. She’s very nice. She’s from Guyana. She was telling me about the house her family owns in Guyana, and that her whole family is here in he states. I asked what her family does with a house there, and she said it’s a two family house. They rent out the bottom floor, and use the top for family who visits, or sometimes rent out the top to tourists. I jokingly said I’d love to go to Guyana for a visit, and she says, “No, you’re a rich Jew. You’d be beaten and robbed in two minutes flat”. I was a bit taken back, and asked if she thought I was a rich Jew. She said, “of course you are, all Jews are rich”. She then asked why I think Jews are hated. Mind you, she is not a mean angry lady, just a young 20 something person. I countered with asking if there was a problem with the expectation of being robbed as a cultural norm, and she said, and I quote, “you are rich, and Guyana people are poor. Of course you should be robbed”.
I thought about this and responded, you know, if you went to the poorest Jewish part of Israel, you may be beaten on if you dress immodestly. But you’d still wake up with your wallet. It seemed to give her pause for thought. But maybe not.

Not Bodek...But it could be!

2009-11-03T18:03:00.001-05:00

Amazing!

2009-11-01T11:51:00.002-05:00

Just a friendly tip from Mrs. Gilmour, if you use a credit card at Amazing Savings, the receipt that goes to the store has your complete credit card number. I still use a credit card there, I just ask for the receipt and cross out my number. Be careful!

Wow it's Early

2009-09-14T19:33:00.003-04:00

Never one to shirk my duties, I was at shul at 12:50 this past Motzei Shabbos as you probably were. I listen to the announcment that Daf is 5:30 the rest of the week, and on Friday it will be 5:00. How can I do teshuvah while being tired and irratable?

Elul, Girls, Vacation & Zodiac

2009-09-02T09:06:00.006-04:00

OK where to start... This past week, we went on vacation. To some this means Florida, Virginia, or who knows what else. My family goes to upstate NY. Our first stop was to visit some family in Woodridge, NY. We had a great time, and I enjoyed the shul a lot. Not so much because of the spectacular davening, but the really beautiful murals of the Jewish Zodiac they have painted across the top of the shul. You don't find to many murals downstate in "frummy" shuls (of which I am a member). We then went on to spend a great week with some family in Rochester. My kids love it there because they can play outside and with other kids on the block w/0 having to worry to much about cars, abductions, and other things you find more of in Brooklyn (the worst being Brooklyn land mines left by people who don't clean up after their dogs). The Shul I davened in in the mornings has always been a nice building, having originally been a church. The shul is even called St. Regis at times, being located on N St. Regis Drive. What I always liked was the chandeliers. They also have the Zodiac images on them. I was curious how these things relate to not making an image, because if I wasn't Jewish, it would be a curious thing to see murials and images of Virgins, Centaurs, and other things you don't find in a typical Brooklyn shul. How interesting that Elul is the Virgin and this ARTICLE about not wearing make-up appears. Make your own damned inferences! anyway, here is a LINK I found from Ohr Somayach about the Zodiac. Hat tip to Lion of Zion for sharing my feelings of wedding make up!

It's Been A While, and We're still Here

2009-09-02T08:51:00.002-04:00

It's been some time since I got a chance to post, time being the major obstacle.

So once again, it's September and Elul. I can't believe the summer is gone...

Well, didn't YOU think the geulah was coming? I know Mrs. LFD was looking down the street by Birchas HaChamah expecting Moshiach to come at any second (isn't he supposed to be riding a donkey or is that another JUB Jewish Urban Myth). Personally, I was always curious to ask someone in their late 80-90's about maintaining bitachon and seeing wild world changing events so frequently this past 100 years. Let's hope for a good year!

And Tonight is Ladies Night!

2009-07-16T12:47:00.001-04:00

This post is dedicated (wow!) to my friends E & D who Mrs. LFD & I have had the pleasure of having them as guests at our house. E & D are sisters, one of whom I met one summer while she was doing a summer school stint for the NYCDOE. E is an occupational therapist. When I see another orthodox Jew at my school, I always invite them over for a Shabbos meal, and E told me her sister would come over with her the first time. A good friendship was established through cholent, chicken soup, and rotisserie chicken (yes they have come for evening & day meals).
Anyway, E & D are interesting, and well versed. If I was to be forced to categorize them, they would be a little left of center, which brings me to my next point (this is a rambling kind of post). I find that there are two kinds of Orthodox Jews when it comes to learning about Judaism. The first is the kind of person who learns from shall we say, the Artscroll versions of what frum Judaism is all about. These kind of people by their nature, (and I feel I’m one of them some of the time) will move to the right of center. The other kinds end up more like Lion of Zion, who is, in my opinion is extremely well versed, as well as demonstrates a better understanding of early and modern Jewish history. Most right wingers that I know don’t. Now me, I do like to question, and find out. There are some who read and learn and “tow the party line”. I hope that I’m enough of an individual that I can pendulum around left and right to see all points of view. Back to E & D. E told me that she’d had an interesting experience davening at a Ladies Minyan in Flatbush. That she went was kind of cool, in my opinion, although I have to admint it made me uncomfortable. Why? I’m not sure. I don’t know how I’d feel if Mrs. LFD went to a Ladies Minyan. Is it halachically acceptable? From what I have learned, it is. It just is not what I’m used to. Maybe that’s how a BT feels when they learn a new halachah. I don’t know. Last time E & D ate over, E told me she was going to go to the minyan again, and she would guest post. I don’t know if she did yet, but this reminded me: http://www.vosizneias.com/35041/2009/07/15/jerusalem-orthodox-feminist-movement-gaining-ground/.
Well E, if you went, you owe me a post! And when are you coming over again? Hope it’s soon! And you could always bring some Stella Doro cookies.

Oy Gevald!

2009-07-07T20:43:00.003-04:00

Say it "Aint" so! While perusing the Yesiva World News, I saw that Streimel cookies may soon be no more. The Stella Doro are my favorite cookie. For a while, they tried to go milchig, but then went back to the tried and true parve. Please excuse me for reading YWN, but it's a good source for important things... like Stella Doro cookies. Maybe Kitov or Mishpacha could come out with a pale "heimishe" imitation. On second thought, why ruin good memories.

You Go Kid!

2009-07-05T09:24:00.004-04:00

This Shabbos my brother was over for lunch along with some other friends of ours. My brother, like me has an aversion to veggies. I personally don't care what others eat, and Mrs. LFD & I try to have a number of greens on the table. My brother who likes to have his opinions heard stated aloud that the reason Karbanos are all animals is because meat is tastier than things that come from the ground. My son, who is always one step ahead pipes up and says:
"First of all, BIKURIM, second, the Korbon Mincha is wheat wich is grown and was bought every day!".
Smart kid!

So it's summer

2009-06-29T19:52:00.003-04:00

I ran into Jacob Da Jew today who gave me a reprimand for being so conspicuously absent. I have been doing some work for an online company and it's taken much of my time. Sorry.
Some points I've been meaning to write about:
1. Mrs. LakewoodFallingDown and I celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary!
2. Two weeks ago's Daf talks about having a Sela coin that gets rubbed out. The Gemorah tells us an appropriate way to get damaged coinage off of the market is to make a hole in it an give to to your son or daughter to wear. So jewelry for men (and boys) was promoted. It made me feel good, because I am the only one in m Shul that wears a ring.
3. I had the foresight to buy sand toys for a beach wedding we attended, and my kids, nieces and nephews had a blast digging by the Chuppah.
4. I love when everyone empties out to the mountains. I can find parking in Brooklyn.
5. I did Monster Island for this years cultural fair in public school. Give things a latitude and longitude, add some pictures, and anything can be believed (the native food was Soylent Green).
6. Our tuition bill for next year included an $800.00 "family assessment" fee. What the heck does that mean?!
7. I discovered that Treppinwitz and I both love root beer.
8. We painted our apartment, and made our bathroom dark blue (looks good)!
9. Paperwork stinks.
10. I don't have a facebook or twitter account. Someone set up a facebook account with my name, but it does not lik to me nor does it exsist anywhere I can find.
More updates when I have time!

This Land Is My Land

2009-06-04T15:54:00.002-04:00

What is going on with Obama? A two state solution? To anyone who reads this, please explain why a Palestinian state is needed.
Israel is a democracy. You can be a Christan, Muslim, a Sikh or whatever in a democracy, as long as:
A: You don't kill anyone.
B: You don't hurt anyone.
So tell me, in what reality would a Palestinian state be a solution to anything? BTW, since this insanity may be pushed through, Obama, could you get some massive cash pledges from some Arab countries to support them? Oh, wait I forgot. The Arab world doesn't like Palestinians. They hate JEWS.

Jews, not Israelis

2009-06-03T12:35:00.002-04:00

Where exactly are the Gedolei Torah when the world is turning against us? Where are we and what are we doing to address this crisis?- Oh, we're packing out to the Catskills...
Obama's nasty ban on natural growth is akin to some of what History's worst Rashaim wanted to do. I took this from a Fox news feed: (for the complete article click HERE).

-Obama told NPR that the he still believes the United States has a "special relationship" with Israel, but that the "status quo is unsustainable" and that movement toward a Palestinian state is critical to Israeli security.
"The current trajectory in the region is profoundly negative," Obama said. "Not only for Israeli interests but also U.S. interests."
Some analysts see potential progress in Obama's demands, since it could prompt Arab nations to work more earnestly toward peace with Israel.
Nathan Brown, a political scientist at George Washington University, said Obama's demand that Israel freeze settlements will make Arab leaders pay close attention to his speech this week.
"His predecessor, who did talk two-state solution, was not taken seriously because there was no change on the ground," he said, explaining that Muslims want to see something concrete go along with the platitudes.
Israeli politician Haim Oron told The Jerusalem Post Wednesday that Obama's stance is "correct" and in Israel's best interest. He dismissed the concerns of what he called the "Israeli Right."

Note that MUSLIMS want to see something, not "Arab States"- again Obama is not only pro Muslim, but anti Jew. Am I saying he is an outright anti-Semite? No, he's worse. He tries to hide it in diplomacy.
Obama, stop worrying about the natural growth of Jews, and maybe do something normal. I know if a country illegally started pointing nukes my way(Thanks N Korea!), it may strike me as more urgent as mollifying terrorists who teach hate. Unless you agree with them...

Important Links

2009-06-02T12:20:00.003-04:00

Being a Jew in Galus is difficult. Waiting for Moshiach is difficult.
Here are some interesting links:
Hat Tip: Treppinwitz & The Muquata

No-Bama

How to treat others

Out of the Loop

2009-06-01T21:12:00.002-04:00

Wow. It's been a while since I got to blog. Some important catch ups for those who want to know:

1. Most important, Mrs. LFD got a "Ocean" colors dress for a beach wedding that fits well and looks great on her (see picture).

2. Mrs. LFD finally got a sheitel she really likes (translated- spent some serious $$ on it) yes, I like it too. Sorry, it's not the one in the picture.

3. I had a conversation with Little LFD's Rebbe about not giving extra review as a punishment. Torah should never be used as a punishment because it will sour the kids taste for learning. He only marginally agreed, but hasn’t done it since.

4. I had no DAIRY cheesecake on Shavuos, only a Tofuti one made by Mrs. LFD. The lasagna made up for it, although I really don't like milchigs.

5. My computer died, and I was "forced" into upgrading to Vista (yuck!) Now some of my important 32 bit programs don't work properly anymore.

6. I had the pleasure of being at Lion of Zion's brother's wedding. It was nice, and I got to see Lion, Mrs. Lion & Jr. having a great time (he can tell details if he wishes, I asked if I could tell I was there).

7. Obama took over the banks and GM. Next stop-Israel (See The Muqata).

8. Got seriously and repeatedly flashed by a bunch of rowdy Puerto Rican teen age girls while walking down my block erev yom tov.
9. Did my science fair “going green” project on burping. We used the Alfred E. Neuwman song “It’s a Gas” as our back drop.
10. My daughter’s front teeth have both come out. I think she looks cute!

Your Grandparents Too?

2009-04-14T15:17:00.004-04:00

I was at Mrs. LFD's parents for the first days. Her Grandfather lives down the hall from her parents. Every time we go, he offers us a calendar and/or a deck of playing cards. So did my uncles and aunts whenever we came to visit. What about you?

Boring Stories

2009-03-31T17:27:00.007-04:00

O.K. for those of you who don't know me, to keep my kids entertained, I tell them what I call "boring stories from when I was growing up". So if you want to hear a boring story, read on, but keep in mind, I've warned you. Here is a story I've told, just as I do for my kids (I feel like Arnold Fine):
My parents have a nice 3 bedroom house. They have a basement and an attic. The basement is where my parents have the "chametz room". Every year, my dad would start getting ready for pesach by driving to the local Pathmark, and we would collect boxes to put our chametz in. Why we had to pack up every cabinet, and every pot and pan to shlep to the basement was beyond me, but I was little, so I didn't ask. This packing was exceptionally strenuous because my mother wanted to throw out old items (see Lion of Zion) while my dad wanted to keep things. It was also difficult because my dad wanted us to put tons of packing tape on each box so they wouldn't fall apart. We also had to make balls of newspaper to put in the boxes with stuff so nothing, like half eaten boxes of cheerios, would get bruised. The chametz room was an old darkroom that the photographer my parents had bought the house from had sealed off. One door, a lock, no windows. This is where we put everything. Being one of 5 brothers (I have 2 sisters as well) we would make an assembly line to gently pass the boxes from the kitchen to the landing on the basement stairs, and gently pass the boxes one by one until they could be neatly stacked from heaviest to lightest. Well, I'm proud to say we didn't let our father down as boys. I don't think any box ever got to the bottom of the basement steps without being kicked, pushed, stomped on, or otherwise tossed down the steps. I guess that's why my dad had us tape up the boxes so well. I can still hear my dad yelling at us not to throw the boxes down the steps. Not that it helped, but we did apologize each time. After we got everything (yes everything) to the basement we went to the attic to take the "pesach stuff" down from the attic. If you think tossing stuff down a flight of steps to the basement sounds fun, the real joy would start when we would open the drop down wood steps from the attic, and drop stuff to the second floor, and topple it down the steps to the first floor. Truth be told, looking back, it's a real miracle no one was ever smushed. It's also a miracle my dad would have a voice left after so much yelling and screaming at us. (And the occasional smack on the bottom). As we got the boxes of pots, pans, haggadas, and other stuff, my mother would ask us not to open everything at the same time. She needed time to open and put away one box at a time. Fat chance! My younger brother were always on the hunt for who would be the first to find the "pesachdig eggbeater". This was a great toy. It could be a helicopter, a boat engine, a propeller, well, you get the idea. This became a serious contest to get the eggbeater because you could annoy my parents by opening boxes out of sequence (not that there was any sequence, we never labeled the boxes) but we couldbeat each other up at the same time! The eggbeater looks just like the one in the picture and it's one thing I haven't got for my kids yet. Also, as I got older, I became fascinated as to what the newspaper stories were from a year ago (we used newspaper packing up too). Life does have lots of boring stories!
For more Pesach, see G6...

Everyone has One or Your Pesach or Mine?

2009-03-29T21:31:00.003-04:00

This post is dedicated to Achdus. Maybe it's the books on Israel I've been reading, or the impending Birchas Hachamah, but what else but Yom Tovim really bring us together? Until... OK, you get married and your are sitting at the begining of the Seder. Now, it's not like Sukkos where you are outdoing someone else with your Lulav & Esrog. On Pesach every family has it's own mishagas. Here at the Seder all bets are off. Minhagim abound, and someones toes are going to get stepped on. How can you compromise? Obviously, your family minhagim go back many generations, (likely to Mt. Sinai) and it would be against G-d himself to change or abandon your sacred traditions. Let's face it, some of you would rather have bamboo shoved under your fingernails than eat Gebrochts. Well good luck to you. I am all about adopting and incorporating. For me, I always only had one issue with Mrs. LFD's Pesach family minhagim, and that is in her house, the parents hid the Afikomen, and in my house, the kids did. The compromise? Two seders, one minhag on each night. Each of us has a rational, but as I have other minhagim her family has adopted, I've become more tolerant, and hence have attained a greater degree of Achdus. The minhagim I do at my inlaws that are tolerated:

1. Having my own Seder plate rather than a communal one at the table.
2. Singing Kadesh Urchatz in the to the tune of Manamana.
3. Glaring at whever reads the "wicked son" as if they are evil incarnate.
4. Eating a potato for Karpas (they use celery, I sneak in a boiled potato. Mrs. LFD doesn't know this, but she will now).
5. Telling boring stories about my father having a "kosher for pesach" garbage can and vacuum cleaner.
6. My personal favorite- singin Adir Hu as the Mr. Potato Head song:
Adir Hu, you know it's true,
Mr. Potato Head I made you.
Eyes & ears & a button nose too,
Mr. Potato head I made you-
Kel Benai, Kel Benai, Beyamaynu Bikarov
Kel Benai, Kel Benai, Mr. Potato Head I love you!

Having a Mr. Potato Head as part of my in-laws seder, and knowing that it has spread to my sister in laws family gives me that warm Achdusy feeling. Ah, minhagim, would we be in Galus without them?

Lost in Translation

2009-03-19T21:17:00.004-04:00

Apparently, Artscroll is now worthy of it's own study. VIN posts this article about a study on how Artscroll has influenced the "frum" world. I have to agree with one of the comments that most of their translations are source based, even if you don't agree with them. They do not do well with accurately portraying Gedolim. The book "My Uncle the Netziv" is a great example, as does the omission of Rav Kook from most of their references. On the whole, I don't hate them, hating anything other than microwaved broccoli is stupid. But they do walk the walk, and that is why Lakewood continues Falling Down.

Artscroll word of the week (OK, last week)

2009-03-17T18:31:00.003-04:00

Spurious- Encarta: different from what it is claimed to be, not authentic, or not valid or well-founded

The translators are warning us not to fall into a spurious trap.

Stone Chumash Page 513 note 26

Also, this weeks Gemarah talks about the offspring between a goat and a sheep. R’Scroll uses the term hybrid vs. what I would term a crossbreed.

Hybrid- Encarta: zoology an animal that results from the mating of parents from two distinct species or subspecies.

Crossbreed – Encarta: an animal or plant produced by crossbreeding.

To each their own. Last, an unusual looking animal that can’t be used a Korbon according to R’ Scroll is a Mutant. Wolverine, apparently is unfit for the Mizbayach!

"Clothes Make The Woman" or "Can I See That Again?"

2009-03-16T19:27:00.006-04:00

This post is inspired by SuperRaisy!

Here is part of the story. Mrs. LFD made a shidduch between a very close friend and a girl we heard about through a friend of Mrs. LFD. They are very individualistic and wanted to have the wedding on a beach. OK, the finding of a place that had a beach in the time frame that was needed took some time. But now, Mrs. LFD is on the quest of a lifetime: To find the perfect gown to wear to a beach wedding that will make her happy. Now good for me, Mrs. LFD doesn’t love shopping, but thanks to the wonders of high speed internet, I get the “can you look at this and tell me if you like it?” over and over again. Now to me, Mr. Shiny Pants, what you wear as long as it’s nice it's fine with me. But with women, it’s a lot more serious. Mrs. LFD found a nice gown in our price range online at Chadwicks. I finally thought my days of looking at women’s catalogs online were over. No. No, of course, the zipper was not sewn in properly so the quest goes on. And lucky for me online companies selling dresses update frequently, so I’m often looking at the same things and being asked, “Was that here yesterday?”, or seeing if an item has gone on or off sale. I truly sympathize with you guys who get shlepped along, and I hope Mrs. LFD finds whatever she’s looking for soon, and suggestions are always appriciated. Whatever it is, I know people will be looking at her instead of the Kallah. At least I will be…

Harry Potter Anyone? or Kill The Beast!

2009-03-05T13:08:00.004-05:00

In this week's Parshas Zachor haforah, we learn about Shaul being given instructions to kill out all of Amalek, even the oxen and sheep. On that Passuk, Rashi seems to be saying that the Amalekim had the ability to be Animagi, or actually use magic to turn themselves into animals to hide, hence the need to kill the animals to complete the mitzvah. Huh, and I though Harry Potter was just a fun fantasy book...

Triangle Man

2009-03-03T21:47:00.002-05:00

Well, it's the classic and only shape on a hamentash, the triangle. Does anyone know the source for Haman having worn a triangle hat? And was his theme song Triangle Man? (yeah I know it's really particle man).

When It's Time To Put Them Out To Pasture

2009-02-08T17:32:00.007-05:00

You know that tuition break you never seem to get? This is a part of what is bothering me about today's yeshivas in today's economy. I know that I have a obligation to be mechanech my child. I also know that I am putting my child in the hands of a Yeshiva to do this for me, so as opposed to hand picking a 1:1 rav for my son, he gets a "one size fits all" according to the yeshiva we choose to send him to, as well as having to accept (if not practice) the yeshiva's hashkafos. I know these facts going in, and I have to deal with it. But with all of the competition, especially in this economic situation I have to ask if it's a business.
Now I can hear you snickering, of course, you say, it's a business. So why do so many of us who pay full price accept poor service? Crappy English teachers have become the norm, and we accept it because, hey, it's yeshiva! Would you accept a ripped shirt from a store you just paid full price for? Of course not, but we (I) have been conditioned that this is the way it is, so just deal with it.
Now, the worst part. You are at PTA, shul, or other function and you say your kid is going into whatever grade. A few parents pipe up and give you condolences, while others shake their heads in sorrow. Oh, you're having Rabbi -----berg. Good luck. He's been doing this for 25 years and has no patience left. Or sorry, your having Rabbi----stein. He gives piles of homework and doesn't care about the kids, only his program. Oy,Vey Rabbi ----man! He called my son an idiot. Yes, you get Rabbeim who can't control their mouths. I was listening to my friends tell some horror stories the other night, and their kids are in a different yeshiva. than mine. We all have the same problem though. If we pipe up, we're afraid of being kicked out. There are many schools that would easily get rid of "trouble makers" at the expense of the kids, and tell the other yeshivos not to accept you. I saw this happen this year to a friend. Even after all the years of tuition paid in full. If this was a real business, the yeshivos would be investigated by the department of consumer affairs, and money would have to be refunded, and the incompetent employee fired (or as what usually happens, they get a promotion)!!. When a rebbe becomes burned out, or just plain stinks, I think we should do them and our children a kindness and put them out to pasture. To do any less is a betrayal of our children and ourselves, and boy have we been betrayed.

Here They Come!

2009-02-05T17:53:00.003-05:00

Well, it's almost that time of year, when we will be inundated with tons of tzedakah letters for Purim & Pesach. I'm not saying that there are not families that need help, there is a definite need. My question is, will our rabbonim use the all mighty power of the "Kol Korie" to prevent price gouging from the manufacturers right down through the stores. I don't mind giving tzedakah. I do hate subsidizing people who exist to take advantage of every ones needs.

Eat This!

2009-02-01T21:45:00.004-05:00

So Mrs. LFD is wondering where the Jews got matzah from. No ,not the story you know, but what the first Jews in Mitzrayim who were commanded to eat the Korbon Pesach with matzah and marror ate. If they didn't leave yet, the story of the dough not rising and the jews having to eat matzah happened after the eating of the first Korbon Peasach, so where did the matzah come from? That's Mrs. LFD's question.
As for me, I want to know what how they checked their Romaine lettuce for bugs. Was BODEK available in Goshen? (yes I know they used horseraddish!)

Moshiach is Coming!

2009-02-01T20:50:00.001-05:00

If this isn't a sign, I don't know what is:
12

Hold The Sunglasses, Please!

2009-01-19T17:19:00.003-05:00

Many years ago, Mrs. LFD's brother got married, and I was told I needed a black suit for the wedding. No problem, and to Davenedbydekoisel no comments, please (happy birthday BTW)! Anyway, I was wearing said suit this week, and I was informed by Mrs. LFD that I was suffering from that malady of old age, "Shiny Butt". You know, that highly reflective shine that develops from to much time sitting at the table learning (or listening to chazzunims off key caterwauling). Now you may think this is funny, but all suits eventually wear down. This particular suit has had buttons fall off of the sleeves, and had a number of other minor mishaps. Perhaps what keeps me coming back to it is the fact that after all this time, the suit fits just fine. I also like the black double breasted look, and it's hard to find these days. Or maybe it's the fact that it's about time that Mrs. LFD gives my bottom the stare it deserves, only hold the sunglasses, please!

Wii, Myself, and the Microwave

2009-01-11T19:05:00.006-05:00

A brief break from the war. For Chanukah, my kids (and Mrs. LFD) really wanted a Wii. Now, I have no problem getting an expensive video game thingy, especially because the Mrs. & I made it clear to the kids, if you want this, your gelt is going towards it. My family then had repeated discussions that annoyed me to no end about how much better our lives would be when we got a Wii. We could exercise together. We could have an indoor family bowling night. We could do so many interactive special things. It reminded me of when my family wanted a microwave. I don't know if your family had these discussions around the table about how this marvelous invention would change your lives, but mine had them till no end. Our mom would no longer be a slave to the kitchen. Leftovers would be magically transformed into delicacies fit for a king. Our parents would have more time to spend with us and each other. On and on the list went. So out went my dad to Sears and got this nifty magical device. One week later life was about the same, except you could make oatmeal w/o boiling water first. And no one in my family likes oatmeal except my dad, who won't touch the darned thing. And FYI, it's one day (minus Shabbos)after this life altering purchase is when I'm putting up this post. And my kids are playing with Lego on the living room floor.

Death To All Arabs! (Just Kidding?)

2009-01-06T18:27:00.004-05:00

Hope the headline grabbed you. Look at what's going on in Europe:

European Jews Attacked in Response to Gaza Conflict

Caracas Venezuela ministry expels Israeli Ambassador over Gaza

Brussels - Assailants Try To Set Fire To The Doors of Synagogue

Denmark - School Admin. Ask Jews Not To Enroll In Their Secular Schools Amid Gaza Tension

Belgium - Antwerp Jews Receive Death Threats

These are not attacks on Israelis for Israeli policy, but Jews for being Jews! After each rocket attack, could you imagine if we attacked Arabs/Muslims? Of course not. Where is the world outrage? Oh, I forgot, we're just Jews...
The next time someone tells me to turn the other cheek, I'm going to smack it!

Credit Where Credit Is Due

2009-01-06T13:04:00.003-05:00

Hat Tip (Yeah, it's going to have to be my rain hat) to Lion of Zion

Have an easy and meaningful fast.

Meme, Myself & I and What The Heck is That Chumra?

2009-01-02T10:44:00.006-05:00

For those of you who feel in necessary to know more about me, it has been suggested that I do a Meme. I do not like to put out too much information, as I enjoy the illusion of privacy my blog gives me. However, I will share a few things.
1. When I saw the term Meme, this is what I thought:

2. I feel compelled to make my chicken soup for Shabbos on Wednesday night so the fat can be skimmed off.
3. I have a fear of spiders. It makes me want to watch every "big scary spider" documentary to battle my phobia. I will not watch Arachnophobia. I will look at a Tarantula. I try not to kill spiders because it's stupid to kill anything that doesn't harm you, and they eat mosquitoes which I'm not afraid of but I hate (one day Jacob Da Jew will write about his mosquito infested yard, and the battle to remain outside).
4. I find it funny when Mrs. LFD reads my posts to make sure there is no Loshon Harah. You should see the stuff she makes me delete. Good for her!
5. I do not wear a Black Hat. I am the only member of my shul that does not.
6. I get irritated when I don't get enough feedback on a post, especailly if there is someone who used to comment, and doesn't anymore.

O.K. A switch in topic. Here is my non chumra. I like my chulent to not dry out, so I put a inverted ceramic cup on the top of my crock pot to keep moisture in. My mother in law stopped by on a Friday afternoon, looked at the cup and asked me "Where did this Chumra come from?" I had to think about what the heck she was talking about, until she noticed the confused look on my face and said "The cup. What have they come up with that a cup needs to be on the crock pot?". I explained my reason, and told her there ws no chumra.We both had a good laugh, but it shows how "Lakewood Falling Down" can get people to think.

Kickin' It...so far.

2009-01-01T18:14:00.004-05:00

It's nice to see Israel seemingly doing a "no holds barred" attack with it's air strikes. And good for Israel fro taking out some garbage. Here is a quote from Foxnews that I found interesting:

Israel dropped a one-ton bomb on the home of a Hamas strongman Thursday, killing him along with two wives and four children in the first attack on the top leadership of Gaza's rulers. As the aerial bombardment escalated, the army said it was also poised to launch a ground invasion. Israel also appeared to be sounding out a possible diplomatic exit from the 6-day-old military offensive against Hamas by demanding international monitors as a key term of any future truce.

Am I the only one who thinks it's weird that no one would care if an Arab had two wives, but if anyone else did it would be on the front pages of Newsweek as being backward and disgusting... More proof on how no matter what Arab terrorists do, its acceptable. No matter what Jews do its wrong and an overreaction.

Lakewood, Wherefore Art Thou?

2008-12-29T08:11:00.004-05:00

Oh, my Rosh Yeshivas, where is your public statement after the Neturei Karta marched with Palestinian Terrorists here in NYC? Is this how the world should view the slaughter of Jews, with acceptance and silence, with only dummies with beards and hats out there to say a "Jewish/Yiddishe" view?! I see movements to publicly denounced remove ourselves from Madoff, but not these guys? We're only concerned when it's about money? Where is the leadership? Weather or not you support the government of Israel, by not speaking up PUBLICLY you are encouraging these actions. Silence implies consent. Remember the silence of the Holocaust (that right wing Yeshivas don't even teach about anymore). There were Kinnos written after the fact. Personally, I'd rather be saying Hallel for miracles. Let's show a bit of Achdus. I'm waiting...

Please Daven

2008-12-29T07:51:00.001-05:00

I copied this from The Muqata.
Volunteer United Hatzala EMT in serious condition after this morning's terror attack in Kiryat Sefer. As Jameel is an EMT in the same organization, he notes there is going to be a nationwide prayer service for his fellow medic at 3:30 PM, Israel time. Please add Aryeh ben Varda to your prayers (as well as for the safety and security of IDF soldiers, going into battle in Gaza)

Chumras I'd Like To See

2008-12-24T09:17:00.006-05:00

Well, whether it's Chanukah or Pesach, every time of the year is good to make chumras. The newest one is separate shopping lines for men and women, which Mrs. LFD says reminds her of public bathrooms. The girls line will always be 10x as long. Anyway, this was interesting. While in shul last Shabbos, Gilmour points out to me that there are five people standing around the Bima. The Gabbi and the person standing opposite him, the Baal Korei, the person getting the aliya, and the person who got the last aliya. They were all "shuckleing" at vastly different rates, with minor variations on twists and bounces and head shakes. The Baal Korei was holding on to the Eitz Chaim and shuckeling at warp 8 and looked as if he was gong to increase to warp 9.9 soon. It was really quite dizzying, and also superhuman that he was able to keep the place. I thought he might actually pop the Torah off of the Bimah! Gilmour starts cracking up because it looked like a bizarre tribal dance gone wrong. It got me to thinking, why shouldn't the Chumrah Police make regulations to how people can shuckle? This would regulate what is a self stimulatory behavior, and decrease accidental bumping by at least 2% annually. Some more chumras I'd like to see:

1. When Davening in a particular Shul, one must use the pronunciation the masses use. (Elokei-nee, Booo-reeech, mandatory rolling of "Raish" is Sefardi shuls). It makes for Achdus!

2. Enforcers to throw rocks at people who don't answer "Good Shabbos" when the greeting is given. If Bain Adam L'chavairo is more important tha Bain Adam L'Makom, it should be a Mitzvah to throw rocks at obnoxious people.

3. A ban on shuls with no candyman.

4. A manditory Q&A session at the end of Shabbos Drashos. It would make Rabbeim think twice before introducing something to the masses if they know they will be hit up with 20 questions in a public forum.

5. The use of the word "Goyish". The excuse people give their kids many times is that "it's goyish". How smart our kids would be if we had to actually know why we do or don't do something.

6. Smoking (pet peeve-LOZ, I know it's been banned, but not by the heilige Chumara Police!).

That's it for now. feel free to add to the list!

It's Beginning to look too much like Christmas

2008-12-21T18:41:00.006-05:00

It's Beginning to look too much like Christmas. While at a seforim store buying wicks, I found Round Jelled Olive Oil Chanukah Candles with colors. The colors are red, green, and yellow. Do we really want these "holiday colors" on our Menorah's? I sure don't. I hope to get a better picture soon!

LFD or Excuses, Excuses...

2008-12-17T13:18:00.003-05:00

While reading this article on VIN about a Lakewood man being charged with armed robbery, I couldn't help but think of the times my parents had large bills, and I'd hear my mom say, "great, now all I have to do is rob a bank". Now, I'm not suggesting she ever would have, but the strain of frum living can be very great. So here are my Lakewood Falling Down's reason's the guy did it.

1. He wanted to learn, so he decided to support Torah in a proactive way.

2. He had to pay for part of his own wedding.

3. His sister went to Bais Faige, and he wanted her teacher to be paid.

4. He workred for AIG.

5. He has his Bar-Mitzvah presents invested with Bernard Madoff.

6. He wanted to ba able to eat out in a kosher restaurant, but couldn't afford the prices on the menu.

7. His parents owed back tuition.

8. He needed the money for a striemel.

9. He needed a shidduch.

10. He was planning a high steaks dreidle game.

Remember, always judge others favorably!

Artscroll Word of the Week

2008-12-16T21:01:00.002-05:00

Well it's back to basics, so here we go. Page 69b2, explaining why Nechemia is sometimes (twice actually) referred to as Hatirshasa:
Note 15 : The Yerushalmi explains the basis of this cognomen.
Encarta- cognomen: a nickname or name that describes somebody, e.g. "Billy the Kid"
Have thesaurus will travel!

Chanukah, The Almost Yom Tov (Menorah Upside Down On Purpose)

2008-12-14T15:37:00.002-05:00

Well, next week, we will be very close to “the festival of lights”. Working as a frum Jew in a mostly Non Jewish atmosphere, I’m always amazed at how Chanukah, which really is a series of great miracles done for us, gets for lack of a better term “Christmasized”. What’s even weirder is how I’ve let myself get sucked into the mentality, and maybe sadly, I enjoy it a little. Here is what I mean. First, I have to (and want to, with a great staff) give presents. Now, I know how many Christians hate that the Heysuess (pronounced Jesus) has been taken out of the holiday. I don’t want to come across as a “politically correct” nerd, so I give them actual Christmas cards with a little $ (none of your business how much) and a lottery ticket. They are extremely appreciative, and want to reciprocate, and they do. Have I jumped on board the exchanging gifts at the holiday season bandwagon? The answer is yes. The other part of me that is always irked is how my co-workers will compare the two. Let me tell you, there ain’t no such thing as Hannukah Harry, but I laugh when they ask all the same. And the I feel guilty for minimizing our great miracles to silliness. That’s the “irked” part. Also (guiltily) I enjoy seeing them being able to “relate” to me just a bit. I think that Chanukah does get the short end of the stick by us, the religious. This lets other religions pull at it and make it something it’s not, and this is why. On every other Yom Tov, we are actively involved in it and it is outside of the workplace. On Purim, you wouldn’t give Shelach Manot to a non Jew, and you are busy. The other Yom Tovim keep you busy in shul, or away from work. You usually don’t bring your lulav and esrog to shul on Chol Hamoed, so the holiday is more of a private thing. Not so with Chanukah. Every store from Path Mark, to CVS has the obligatory Chanukah stuff. At least one (usually non religious) co-worker will bring in sufganiot or left over oily latkes. A staff that eats together can share the “holiday spirit” together. There is always the obligatory electric menorah at the holiday party that you feel obligated to be at, especially since the boss ordered kosher food just for you. Yes, I get a little sucked in, and it’s not a good thing. I just have one non breakable rule. No mistletoe in the classroom.

Nachas or Someone Knows How to Write

2008-12-10T19:07:00.005-05:00

Surprise! Well this is always a point that I think of and miss, and I hope you take the time to read this and prepare yourselves if you have kids in school.
I was very proud of my son's report card. He got mostly A's. The thing I liked most about it was the teacher wrote a thoughtful and individual message. I was very impressed. Many teachers write generic messages like "your son is a sweet boy and a joy to have in class" (yes I do this in public school, but my students are profoundly retarded, so it's true). They don't really think about the impact the comments can make on your child, not to mention their Chanukah tip! Here is the part where I say prepare yourselves. Mrs. LFD and I have noticed when we go to PTA there is not a lot the teachers have to say unless there is a problem. So arm yourselves with some pointed questions that will draw out the best about qualities of your child. This is good for you, and the teacher too. I know that I forgot to prepare for our daughters PTA, and the teachers told us "She is very smart and funny, she talks with an 8th grader's vocabulary" (She's 5 years old). They gave us a bag of corn chips with a sticker on it for her, and after 30 seconds, we were done. It was a waste of time (other than showing we care about our daughter). I believe they would have had more to say if we asked them some questions. Here is one Mrs. LFD always leads in with:
1. "Hi, please tell me something positive about my son." Not that there is too much negative, but it reorients the thinking.
2. Who is my child's best friend? This will help you gauge if the teacher is aware of social dynamics in the class.
3. What is your recommended bed time? This gives the impression that you value your kid's teachers opinion of what goes on in the home. And good teachers really do know a thing or two about bed time.
4. How is my child coming in in the morning? This will help you gauge if the teacher is looking at the kids moods. Everyone has good and bad days, and teacher need to be aware of this, especially Rabbaim.
Well, if you have any other suggestions, feel free to add to the list, and good luck!

Hey Buddy, Can You Spare a Dime? or The Best Pictures are Always on Shabbos

2008-12-07T15:15:00.006-05:00

This past Shabbos, the economic crisis came with it's hands out to Boro Park and Flatbush. The Roshei Yeshiva from Lakewood graced us with their presence, and came collecting for their Yeshiva. Very good, we should support Torah. In this climate, should unskilled workers en mass apply for jobs, it would be for naught anyway. Fine. The particular Rosh who I went to hear at an unnamed shul gave a devar torah (I wished him a Good Shabbos, I wish I had a picture of Lakewood meets LakewoodFallingDown!). Now, I understand pulpit speaking is different from giving a shiur, but I do think you need to know your audience.

The Rosh gave a dvar torah asking why Rivkah told Yaakov to hide from Esav in the Yeshiva of Shem and Ever. Esav, knowing his brothers nature would, and I quote, "look for Yaakov first in Yerushalayim, or maybe Lakewood". (Audience chuckles)...
One of the main points of humor is that if it doesn't have a bit of truth to it, it won't be funny. I think in some ways they do equate Lakewood with Yerushalyim. I would like to see the mitzvah of yishuv promoted the same way not speaking loshon horah, or keeping Shabbos is pushed. To send your base to Yerushalaim would hasten the end of our Galus, but if we do that, where would Lakewood be?
Getting back tothe Dvar Torah, the Rosh focused on how learning Torah creating "Ohelot". Since learning Torah insulates you so much, Yaakov was protected from Esav because he was on a "different world, insulated from outside influence, not like the NEBUCH college man, who has an understanding of the outside world, and is distracted".
Isn't the NEBUCH college man exactly who Lakewood is extending their hand to? In what way should Lakewood be Falling Down?

Yes. I caved in.

2008-12-03T18:54:00.004-05:00

As you may know, I am teacher. I write many adaptive books, and have refused to write a Kwanzaa book. I don't write fiction. However, when I was the online company I work for asked me to pleeeeaaaasssse, I caved in. Point of fact, I wrote a song two years ago about how the holidays are smushed together. I wrote the lyrics and hummed out the tune, and my friend Vinny was nice enough to listen to me and bang it out acoustically. I did the animation in a specialized program so I had to capture using my digital camera and re edit the soundtrack to post it. Enjoy!

See you next time

2008-12-01T18:49:00.004-05:00

I was learning about a story where Moshe "sees" Hashem attaching the crowns to the letters of the Torah. He asks Hashem what he is doing and what they are. Hashem tells Moshe that there will be a man named Rabbi Akiva who will learn out many halochos from the crowns. Hashem tells Moshe to "turn around" and Moshe is in Rabbi Akiva's shiur. He gets upset because he doesn't understand the shiur, until he hears Rabbi Akiva say that he knew the halachos from Moshe from Sinai. Now, all of the other questions aside, I want to know, did moshe hear the shiur, or did he actually time travel?

Obama Kugel

2008-11-30T13:32:00.003-05:00

So it will soon be inauguration night and we will be installing a new President. If you are the chef and are trying to keep the inaugural dinner multi-cultural, especially with Rahm Immanuel there, I humbly suggest serving an Obama Kugel. Now you might wonder what an Obama Kugel is, and so do I. What would you put into an Obama Kugel? Would it be sweet or spicy? Raisins or not? I like the suggestion of a bread & challah kugel made with pumpernickel, cinnamon and sugar. Remember, it has to be unique. It's time for a change!

Daven. Daven

2008-11-29T18:40:00.003-05:00

Baruch Dayan Emes
Hashem should have Rachmanus on all of us.

She made me do it- A guest post by Mrs. LFD

2008-11-27T14:31:00.002-05:00

Sorry Guys, This One is For the Ladies.

This is Mrs. LFD. I know that I always say I won’t blog. However, this time I will make an exception. And no LOZ, the Mr. still cannot have his own secret blog! And I am still not interested in my own blog either.

I am not known for making these fantastic shopping finds as I actually hate shopping (the title for best finds and saves goes to Mrs. Gilmore,) but I recently had such a great experience with a web based company no less that I had to share. The company is called http://www.candygirldress.com They are on the west coast and they feature gowns for flower girls, pageant dresses and tuxedos for boys of all ages (sizes go up to boys 18!) The gowns are beautiful and at the moment they are having a sale and also are featuring x-mas (read Shabbat) dresses. The prices are also amazing.

Let me share my experience with them.

I needed lilac colored preferably matching dresses for my daughter and my niece because they were in a wedding party. The kallah sent us some pictures of dresses to give us an idea of what she liked. These pictures were from another website. That website did not instill confidence and my sister and I found bad ratings so the hunt was on. With about two weeks to the wedding we needed something fast. We came across this website after some time searching and found beautiful dresses. However, they did not have sleeves. My daughter is already of an age that I felt she could not go sleeveless. I called the company and asked if they could send some matching material so that I could make sleeves. Not only did they agree they also sent the material for FREE. When I called to confirm they thought that they had already sent my dresses (I ordered for both me and my sister) and no problem they would send it that day NO COST FOR SHIPPING. It turned out that when the dresses came the material was with the dresses already so I did not have to wait for a separate box. Now, I am not naïve and most good companies will accommodate their customers but it really was exceptional service... keep reading and you’ll see. This was in September.

I had been meaning to e-mail them a thank you with a picture so that they could see how nice it looked with sleeves (they do offer sweaters to go with the dresses but not in matching fabric.) I recently e-mailed them the thank you with a picture. In the e-mail, I also noted and that the pin-on flower belt got ruined (my daughter decided to go skating on her belly) and I asked if I could purchase another one. They e-mailed me back a You’re Welcome and that they would be sending the belt for FREE! But wait, that’s not all, I wrote back to say that I appreciated it and that I would be recommending their website. I got another e-mail from them saying “thank you for recommending us. No wonder we have been getting lots of sales recently. JOHN” How nice was that!!!! They were accommodating, you could get an actual response from a person and they have amazing!

It has the "Ring" of truth or Are your Ears Ringing

2008-11-25T15:32:00.003-05:00

OK, so Mrs. LFD doesn't want me to write about this, but if I change the names to protect the innocent...
Anyway, most yeshivas these days are really hurting financially. The market has caused people who used to donate $100,000.00 to maybe $10,000.00. Even worse, those of us who are poor like me went from the $25.00 table at the Chinese auctions to the $10.00 tables. You get the idea, there is less all around. Just to keep in the Lakewood Falling Down spirit, I'll point out that Kollel life when you depend on others is going to take a big hit. No more free ride. Anyway, Mrs. LFD tells me of a couple she knows that interviewed their first child for a certain yeshiva. The first kid means you pay full tuition. No discounts, we need the money, so pay up. I have no problem with this, a yeshiva can't run on air. The interview went well, and everybody was happy. Until the yeshiva in question expressed the desire for the Mr. to consider removing his wedding band. What? This is now priority? I know that there are Mr.'s in this yeshiva who wear a ring. I am hoping this is a fluke. I was once reading a blog (please excuse me I can't remember who's, please comment if it was you so I can link) about a girl pointing out how it's unfair for the single girls at weddings when they "shop". A wedding ring is like a giant "not for sale" sign that makes it easier. That aside, I can understand if you interview for a Chassidish yeshiva, and they tell you sorry, you need to have long payos and dress the part. But for our mainstream yeshivos, especially the more middle of the road ones, don't alienate people. I wonder if these parents are still on the mailing list for donations. Come to think of it, they probably are. They wouldn't dream of taking Nekamah. Sort of a catch 22 don't you think?

So you think you can "Jew"

2008-11-20T21:36:00.006-05:00

This is a follow up post regarding the in gathering of exiles. Now, I won't pass judgment on anyone who claims to be a Jew. I was just thinking, who would be the funniest people to reclaim their lost "Jewhood"?

1. The cast of Gilligan's Island. Eventually they should qualify as a "lost tribe".
2. The Bloods- and not to be outdone,
3. The Cryps. They could fight what colors go on the tribal Degel
4. Just so I don't discriminate, I'll throw in the Latin Kings.
5. Chasidim.
6. YU guys.
7. Misnagdim.
8. Modern Orthodox.
9. Lubavitch
10. United Union of Professional Clowns (linked in case you don't believe this exsits)
11. Pig Farmers Union
13. Hatzolah of Flatbush- Hat Tip to Logic 613!
Truthfully, I don't know why people want to be a part of the Jews. It's a difficult path, and if your not an FFB, you can encounter more discrimination than Barak Obama at a KKK convention. Do non Jews really feel we are the chosen people and want in? Maybe some of them. I have two black "Israelites" in my school who believe Ashkenazic European Jews are totally fake, and not Jews at all. To them, I am a faker, and not just because I'm orthodox. They believe that they are the chosen. I also get weird comments at times, but maybe it's just me. Feel free to add to the list.

On another subject entirely, my spider phobia continues with this article that a spider is missing-in space!

Mi Yehudi or Do "Goyim" know the difference

2008-11-17T18:47:00.002-05:00

There were two items on vosizneias that caught my attention. The first was a story about the in gathering of Jews from galus. The story is basically how Israel has accepted some people believed to be the lost Tribe of Menashe. The full story can be read here. My main objection is to some of the more obnoxious comments, but I do like the fact that VIN doesn't edit people's thoughts. I guess I'm becoming more of a "Tzioni". I've been reading books like Dear Brothers, Eim Habonim Simaycha", and have come to the conclusion that we're in galus because
1. We want to be
2. Our Gedolim want us to be.
Of course, this is just my opinion. A certain Rov told me that his cousin did the english translation of Eim Habonim Simaycha, and he's now been ostracized and his fellow yeshiva crowd have branded him a Zionist. Crazy, if you even translate a book about the greatness of Israel, you are no longer one of them.

The other item was an article on Foxnews.com. It is a story about the Israeli Mafia, and a car bomb that killed the Kingpin of a crime family. You can read the whole story here. My question is, to the average "Goy" is there a difference bettween a Chasidishe Guy with long curly peyos, and an average non religious Israeli. Opinions anyone?

It's been a busy week & Artscroll fun word

2008-11-16T09:47:00.007-05:00

Well, it's been a busy week. Of course, right after I mention to Mrs. LFD how the kids have been overall healthy this year, my son got strep throat. I'm glad it was something that could be easily treated, but I needed to stay home with him for two days. For those of you that have a babysitter, you really never realize how much you need them until you run out of sick days. Mrs. LFD did a new watermelon for our niece's Bas Mitzvah, (I hate saying BAT mitzvah, I just don't like the way it sounds) and it came out great (see photo below). Check out the video clip!

Also, welcome to my good friend davenedbydekoisel !
May his blog have many hits!

For any of you out there who can tell me how to put hebrew letters into my blog, I'd appreciate it.

Artscroll word.
Now I used to love the show Thunder Cats, and I did have a Liono sword when I was a kid. That's why I cracked up when Artscroll translated the word "Hey Vav Yud" as Ho!
Kiddushin, 30 b2. Yes, I know it's from last week, but as I said in the beginning, it's been a busy week.
Have thesaurus, will travel!

A surprise Guest (Ma'ash Avos Siman L'Banim)

2008-11-12T13:40:00.005-05:00

First, a shout out to Lion of Zion, Jacob Da Jew & Tr8ergirl who have linked to my blog. Thanks!
Usually we don't have guests Friday nights so we can go to sleep early, but someone asked if we could have a guest, & we never say no to a Shabbos guest. So we were up. Well on a short Friday night who should come knocking? Was it angels like our forefather Avrohom? Maybe, but what may be an angel, my family sees as our old downstairs neighbor Jacob Da Jew. My building was very unique when Jacob lived here, we had the perfect balance of personality types. My new neighbors are really nice, but hey, Jacob Da Jew is Jacob Da Jew. Being Jacob, I decided to have a L'chaim courtesy of Gillmour-who-lives-across-the-hall-who-had-rum-from-Mr. A-who-lives-downstairs-who had-left-some-in-Gillmours-fridge. You have to read it in one breath. My kids love Jacob, especially my daughter. We had a nice visit and a walk in the unusually warm November weather. The lord works in mysterious ways.

The Lion of Zion

2008-11-12T13:36:00.002-05:00

Here's to a favorite post by Lion of Zion! Just don't give me the "raspberry".

Cut it out (off )

2008-11-12T09:02:00.005-05:00

Today's daf deals with how we know that women are exempt from time bound mitzvos that are positive commandments (T'ffilin, sitting in the Sukkah). The Gemarah goes through many proofs and digresses to the prohibition of shaving, and weather women are allowed to shave their beards. Yes, I said shave their beards. Apparently, the shidduch crisis wasn't as bad as it is now!

Are you sick of the daily grind (or Moshiach is coming soon)

2008-11-06T19:54:00.005-05:00

So it's Thursday night chaos as usual, and we're trying to make Shabbos, clean the house, do HW with the kids, and of course blog. Mrs. LFD says to me for the millionth time "I wish Moshiach were here". Less stress you see, along with a genuine desire for Moshiach. My Rov and neighbors have told me some very interesting stories about Moshiach being here in 2009. Here is a LINK to The Cool Jew that I found (I have no idea who he/she is I was just surfing for Moshiach 2009 on Google). What do you think? And of course, Moshiach will decide the shaitle question!

BTW, recommended reading:
Dear Brothers
What Did They Think of the Jews? by Alan Gould
Shadal by Daniel Klein

You Bad Hot Chanie!

2008-11-04T17:28:00.003-05:00

While reading Rav Elyashiv's comments about sheitels on YWN, I felt annoyed. Lion of Zion pointed out to me the following:
"hakham ovadia yosef has already assured all sheitlach. period. it seems some ashkenazim now are just catching up to this (wouldn't want the sephardim to seem frumer.) on the other hand, iirc the lubavatcher rebbe said sheitlach are preferred, because a woman is likely to take it off than a hat. gluckel of hameln (17th c. ashkenaz) writes in her memoirs that she was impressed with the frumkeit of the men when she moved to metz because they didn't wear wigs (or something like that, it's been a while since i read her book)"
Comments anyone?

Hallo-what?

2008-10-30T18:55:00.004-04:00

In public school, we're not allowed to celebrate holidays in the school, but we are permitted to teach about them if we include all holidays. My principal, who is a very unreadable and weird lady announced on the PA that tomorrow will be "dress up as a storybook character day". On my way out the door, she happened to ask me who I was dressing up as. I looked her straight in the eye and said "Shylock". I also advised my staff to ask the principal if she was dresing up as Ms. Trunchbowl !(Don't worry they're used to my warped sense of humor)

Artscroll phrase

2008-10-29T08:17:00.001-04:00

This is a weird Artscroll phrase. Page 20 A3 Abaye says “I am like Ben-Azzai in the market of Tiberius”. Note 33 “Abaye often used to make this declaration when he was in a jocular mood”.
Jocular -with a playful joking disposition (Encarta)
I didn’t know Abaye was such a funny guy. I also make declarations while in a jocular mood, don't you? Is there a list of Talmudic knock-knock jokes somewhere? Hmm... oh well,
Have Thesarus Will Travel!

Follow up and also, Spiders give me the creeps

2008-10-28T20:18:00.004-04:00

My friend holeycow sent me this top 10 website that's kind of funny, and makes a great follow up to Why I hate Simchas Torah.
On a completely different topic, I found this article and was getting the "hebbie Jeebies" all day. Spiders really freak me out.

Lakewood Falling Down?

2008-10-27T21:08:00.002-04:00

This is my first political post, so bear with me. I am McCain person. I don’t think he’s great, but to ignore Obama’s choice of whom he surrounds himself with, is ridiculous. To approve of anti Semites and then claim your are ignorant doesn’t give me great confidence in your judgment abilities. People who ignore this are saying –it’s OK to be stupid. I also can’t believe that a split Yerushalaim is acceptable to any Jew. This is an idea Obama supports. I titled this post LFD? because I know of many in Kollel’s that are voting to have Uncle Sam, (now Uncle Obama if he wins) provide more social programs to enable them to keep learning. I had company for Shabbos lunch that pushes the same line, that our tax dollars are going to social programs anyway, why shouldn’t they support Torah? The answer I would give in these times are that first, if the economy continues to fail, those who are in businesses who voluntarily support their kids will not have businesses left. Most Jewish Businesses are small businesses, and just like Joe the plumber, they will be taxed until they will have problems keeping a profit. The second answer is from Obama’s own statements he’s more a socialist than a liberal. Do you want to exchange money for poor ideas? But I guess in Lakewood Ir Hakodesh Yerushalaim doesn’t matter, as long as you are shteiging away…

Euphemism for what?

2008-10-23T18:58:00.003-04:00

So for all of you folks with that need to know, I was in Glatt Mart with my kids shopping for Shabbos. They were really behaving well, no fighting, and I had dragged them with me to Mincha at Landaus. I even had my son go around with the tzedakah box. But I digress. They were being really good waiting in line when I saw the dreaded euphemism-pop. I couldn't resist, and told my kids they could each have a lollipop for being so well behaved. I showed my daughter the dreaded pop and bingo- a photo op for you! As you squeeze, goo comes through the hole in the middle. The candy company that makes it is called Emzee. They call it the "Fr-ooze" pop. What would you call it? I call it disgusting!

What a Difference!

2008-10-22T20:54:00.005-04:00

"I can’t imagine a more obscene candy, yet the Cahreidim haven’t banned it yet"- Yes I meant Chariedim. I had a typo, and Gilmour was making fun of me. Poor Gilmour, he had fever all of the last days, and we didn't make it to hang out with Jacob Da Jew. My family + Gilmour and his family went to one shul around the corner from us a night and aside from the insane amount of candy, we had a great time. We went to daven during the day with my brother in law, and the timing and amount of candy was perfect. It's easy to ignore whatever "shenanigans" may have gone on-I didn't know anybody, and I didn't care. There was a seudah in the shul after hakafos, and Mincha after that. My own shul I am told didn't end until 3:30 or so. I don't have it in me to go for so long w/o becoming crazy from claustrophobia. One more thing, kudos to my brother in law who carried his son on his shoulders for a majority of the hakafos. My nephew if quite the character and had a stuffed torah and flag. He was very funny in who got a ceremonial bop (or as we call it in my family a Ka-bong!) as he was paraded around the shul. He has his fathers sense of humor.

The Hocker’s Strike Back! (Or Why I Hate Simcahs Torah)

2008-10-19T21:21:00.005-04:00

To me, when I was a kid, Simchas Torah was a great time. We got to stay up late, dance, get a flag, and pretty much do whatever we wanted. In my shul, since there were so few kids, we got to get up and sing “Ain Adir” if we wanted to. And of course, we got to help hold the Torah. I felt so grown up. Fast forward 20 years and I hate it. Here are some reasons why:

Bidding wars. The first issue is the silly grins the gabboim get on their faces when the bidding on aliayas starts. You also can’t really judge how bad the economy is when some Hocker bids $15,000. 00 on Chosson Torah. Many shuls have tried different approaches to stop the madness, but to no avail. And why should they when a large chunk of change will be coming the shul’s way and you get a Kiddush sponsored to boot!
Next is the “cool guys” who go out for a smoke with all of the kids milling around. Way to set an example you Hockers.
The orchestration. This is a time of year when shul board members and hockers come into their full prime. From telling you where you can dance (or even worse, that you have to dance), to what kind of candy you are allowed to even give your own kids, these guys are in their element on Simchas Torah. Heaven forbid you want to sing a different song after singing the same “Anah, anah anah…” 200 times.
The dancing. I don’t really know what non Jews call dancing, but endlessly marching around in circles and occasionally stomping one foot seems a lot more like an ancient druid ritual than dancing. This is what Jews call dancing. Why can’t I stand on the side if I feel like it without some board member or hocker trying to pull me into a circle just so I can get my foot stomped on?
The time. There should be a Kol Korei on Hakafos that last more than 15 minutes, and that’s stretching it. I always get so mad, some hocker/board member has stretched the Hakafa out really long and had been holding the heaviest torah, and sweating all over it. They come over and practically dump the darned thing in your lap and go on to more pointless foot stomping. It’s really annoying.
No real food in most shuls on Simchas Torah night. I need to have something more that cake if I’m going to be held hostage until 11:00 at night. BTW, I’ve offered to co-sponsor some food along with two other friends, but the “board” doesn’t want it so it will not be happening. And for the record, I’m not davening with my shul on Simchas Torah.
The drinking. This is not Purim, get a life people!
The sugar factories. When I was a kid, we got peanuts, chick peas, sponge cake and a lollypop. Last year there was so much candy I thought my kids would go into sugar shock. Certain shul members noticed that the gross lollipops that the shul picked out. They looked like a male’s privates with a hole in the center that squirts up goo when squeezed. Thank you Pazkes. I can’t imagine a more obscene candy, yet the Cahreidim haven’t banned it yet.

So do you hate Simcas torah to? Feel free to add to the list. Chag Samayach!

Artscroll fun phrase of the day!

2008-10-13T08:52:00.002-04:00

"These words are thus understood to convey an exegetical allusion."
Enjoy!
Have thesaurus,will travel!

Artscroll words and phrases of the week

2008-10-12T09:10:00.004-04:00

It was nice to end a mesechta on Yom Kippur and start a new one on the next day. I asked my maggid shiur why we learn Gittin before Kiddushin, the other way makes more sense. He smiled, and said "the classic Yeshiva answer is that G-d always provides the cure before giving the sickness". Again, I stand by the name of my blog.

On to the Artscroll words and phrases.
Kiddushin, page 3b1, note 1 translating the 3 middos on which the world stand, is referred to "the principles of hermeneutics"
hermeneutics: (Encarta dictionary) the science and methodology of interpreting texts, especially the books of the Bible.
Adduced, adduces, adducing: (Encarta dictionary) to offer something as evidence, a reason, or proof. Can't Artscroll use the word "proves"?
Exegesis: (Encarta dictionary) the explanation or interpretation of texts, especially religious writings.
And the phrase for you to translate: "Just as a maidservant departs her masters jurisdiction when she is emancipated." Now I know what this means, but I thought Artscroll was supposed to be for us laymen. The translations and notes in Kiddushin are more choppy and difficult to plow through.

Oh well, Have thesaurus, will travel !

Eating with the Lion

2008-10-11T21:18:00.004-04:00

So we had a great Shabbos meal this week. We were really excited for a lot of reasons. First some of our favorite guests were coming (my favorite twins), and Lion of Zion & his family! Now Mrs. LFD and Lion grew up together in the same community, and their parents are friends, so it was really nice. We also for the first time in a while had a new guest, a friend of Jacob Da Jew, who I found out davens with my brother in law. Mrs. LFD's brother and Lion have kids in the same school and grade, so all in all we had 9 plus us in our little 2 bedroom apartment. We ate and talked until 4 in the afternoon, and the kids didn't "melt down" until 4, so we had some nice "grown-up" conversation at the table. We covered everything from the Flatbush eruv to solving the problems in Israel. One of the topics was having tzedakah collectors come into your simcha. By our wedding, we set up a table for them slightly outside the main hall, and gave $ to the maitre'd to give to collectors. We didn't want our guests hounded. Mrs. LFD made a salt and pepper kugel, one of my favorites, and a carrot kugel that even my fussy kids both ate. We had great chulent and kugel, and Mrs. LFD got to make one of her pastrami-flower topped deli platters. We were all together from different walks of life, enjoying each others company and ideas. Now that's a great Shabbos!

Yom Ha- Ki-PURIM!

2008-10-06T19:32:00.002-04:00

Have you noticed all of the Clopping going on for all of the "Zachreinu L'Lchaims" and other holiday inserts? In that spirit, Lakewood Falling Down presents an excerpt from last years anonymous Purim Newsletter. This was authored by originally by DK.

STUMP THE ROV:
Q: If a non-board member klops on the Bimah on Rosh Chodesh to signal Yaaleh Veyavoh, is it considered a good klop or does a board member have to klop again? Similarly, if a board member and non board member klop to signal V’sain Tal Umatar at the same time, does one klop negate the other, and are fines imposed on the unauthorized klopper to be used for the building fund?
A: In both cases, the klop must be repeated. A non-board member may utter the words "Yaleh Veyavoh" aloud when he gets to it in Shemonah Esrai, for a small fee, but klopping is for board members only.
V’sain Tal Umatar is different because you need at least a week to get used to it. Since many more klops will be needed, the addition of a fine for non board klopping may be imposed to keep the unauthorized kloppers from getting carried away with themselves.. Our shul will be adding a small gold plaque on the “Klop Chart” for all those who klop properly. If you would like to sponsor a board members name for the Klop Chart, please send an email to the shul president at hockers@aol.com .

Who's in Charge? (or Mrs. LFD hates fighting)

2008-10-05T09:05:00.005-04:00

This post was inspired by Mrs. LFD. This past week, (Parshas Vayelech), when I came home from shul my wife asked me what the Rov spoke about this morning. I said one of the things he spoke about was Moshe choosing a leader for B'nei Yisroel and presenting him to the people. Mrs. LFD was thoughtful and said this is a lesson for anybody who is a "Rebbe". Look at Lubavitch, Bobov and Satmar. Once at least they were respectable (no lashon horah please) coherent sects. Now, they are another news item for any news agency to point out how even the "right wingers and devoutly pious"" fight over power & money. If the past generations of Rebbes would have clearly stated and written down who is suppose to take over, there would be so much less sins chinam, (at least publicly) because the law would be laid down. This is clearly the leson Moshe is teaching us. One of the things that Rashi says is that Moshe told Yehoshua "everything depends on you. If necessary, take a rod and hit them on the head because every generation has one leader, not two." A leader, my Rov said has to be able to be forceful when needed. If Moshe hadn't told us Yehoshua would be our leader, do you think we would have even made it across the Jordan? So from Lakewood Falling down goes out my (our) first Kol Korie! A ban on anyone happy enough to be a leader without the courage to lay out concrete plans for the future.

PS- a thank you to my friend Moshe who provided the picture on a get well card I got 8 years ago after shoulder surgery. The Taco Bell Chihuahua Rebbe has chosen a successor!

Post Rosh Hashonah

2008-10-02T12:40:00.003-04:00

So we've moved into the new year (5769). The stock market crashed, got bailed out (pending the house vote) and life goes on. I really try to have kavanah and daven for a good year for everyone, but It gets hard to concentrate for so long. I'm struck by how fast the Chagim seem to zoom by. I told Mrs. LFD, you know you're old when you know most of Davening for Rosh Hashonah and Yom Kippur by heart (well a lot of it anyway). There are always some things that bug me about Rosh Hashonah davening. First of all, I may be turning into a grumpy old man because my seat in my shul is right next to the main door, and I can hear the kids running back and forth screaming. I actually got one of the gabboim at one point. The kids, quite creatively strung a bunch of plastic hangars across the coatroom and were having a volley ball game. While entertaining, they were also spiking the ball (laffy taffys) onto the younger kids heads for fun. Call me a kill joy. I also sit right under an air conditioning duct. My shul has the airconditioning set at 66 degrees. When I'm sitting still, and especailly when I'm fasting, which to all intensive purposes I am until 2:00 on Rosh Hashonah, I get cold. I have no desire to come down with a cold before going into Sukkos. Grumpy, grumpy, grumpy. Of course there are the tunes. Now, I like a majority of the tunes my shul uses, but some are downright dirge-like. I looked around the room at one point expecting to see druids in long robes. Who else chants like that? Last on the list of things I don't like are the shul talkers. I actually went over to a pair of them during krias hatorah and said "There is no talking during krias hatorah on Rosh Hashonah or any other time". Of course, the person I was talking to was coincidentally then called up for an aliyah... Oh well, at least I got to have my fish head!

Foot in my mouth

2008-09-25T21:41:00.004-04:00

Reading the Jpost article posted by Lion of Zion, I felt it necessary to relate this story. Last week, one of the girls who works in my school building comes to ask me a question, as she needs help with a school assignment. FYI, she is a really nice and black girl from Jamaica. Her assignment was to write a report on, in her opinion, which Jew had the most impact on Israeli culture (attending Touro, why Stillwell Ave gave this assignment I don't know). Now I have a blanket rule because I wear my yarmulke and want to keep in a friendly environment. My rule is I refuse to talk about politics or religion at work. I ask her stupidly on my part if she means Jews or Israeli's. What I was thinking was historic Jews vs. contemporary Jews, but it just came out like that. She asked me if there was a difference between an Israeli and a Jew. I carefully back tracked and said I didn't want to talk politics, and she knows my rule. She was respectful about it, but I saw she understood I was uncomfortable talking about it. Articles like this are a part of the reason why.

A Fish Head for Rosh Hashonah

2008-09-25T20:36:00.003-04:00

OK for those who remember the song...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OcXA_pkfLso

Update

2008-09-24T22:18:00.003-04:00

It seems that since the preschool and elementary school are in separate locations, it caused some confusion. Each family got a note sent home with one girl, so if you have daughters in two locations, you only received one note. That's why some girls got a note and other didn't. My apologies to the school on that note. But my wife definitely still has great toes!

The Mrs. Toes The Line (or are we tznius enuogh for you?)

2008-09-24T20:30:00.006-04:00

A few weeks ago, a girl who was over at our house remarked to my wife "you're so cool, you wear flip-flops". Mrs. Lakewoodfallingdown took the comment as the compliment it was and life went on as usual. Until... One day this week my 5 year old daughter comes home with a note specifically addressed to the Mrs. Here it is:

I get home from work first. I open the letter and scan it. When the Mrs. Comes home, I ask her if she's been to drop off little-lakewood-falling-down at school while wearing her flip-flops. She doesn't recall one way or the other, so with a grin, I give her the letter. So even with the long sleeves, sheitel and floor sweeper skirts it seems there is a problem. Out of curiosity, I asked my neighbor, Mrs. Gilmour if she got the same letter. If this was a general statement, I'd take it better than a specific letter. Yup. Mrs. Gilmour got one too, and investigated via her friends that also have their daughters in the school. As it turns out, the letter only went to some parents. Like I say, Lakewood is falling down. I will make a point of asking if a woman's ankles are actually considered airvah, and I will follow up with an answer. But it does get better. We went to orientation night and the principal asked the moms not to dress the kids as if they are going to a wedding. School has arts & crafts, she says, so the kids will come home dirty at times (true of any good preschool program). So one mommy (possibly a "Hot Chanie") asks if her daughter can wear a short skirt... I have to give the principal kudos for not rolling her eyes. She gently explained that in school there is davening, parsha, etc.. and that the girls need to learn to dress approriately. I don't know if this mom got a letter home, but hey, she's not as hot as my wife's toes.

BTW- At my son's orientation, the tiny brand spanking new bais yaakov english teacher was saying to all of us parents how derech eretz must come first. I noticed a ripped piece of paper on the seat in front of me (all of us adults were squezed into 4th grade desk-chair combos) numbered 1-100 with one line written over and over - "I will not burp in English class. I will not burp in English class. I will not burp in English class....". I could barely contain my laughter, and of course passed the "note" around. Ah, yeshiva memories, they start so early in life!

Artscroll words an phrases of the week

2008-09-19T08:33:00.015-04:00

This weeks gemarah has a large chunk of aggadatah. The Maggid shiur asked not to ask to many questions, as he didn’t know the specifics of why each story was being presented, and Daf Yomi has to move. There are also a whole daf of medical cures that were for the times of the gemarah. We did pester him a little, and he gives a great and interesting shiur! That aside, the story of Shlomo Hamelech an the capture of the Demon King Ashmodai is interesting and held my attention a little better than some other gemarah’s that can be a little…dry for lack of a better term. One of the questions I was curious about is where exactly was the Royal Jewish King’s palace? Was it in Yerushalaim, or near the Bais Hamikdash? Just a curious thing. O.K. And on to the Artscroll fun translation. Now I’m no expert on birds or the Aramaic language, but the story in brief was that Shlomo HaMelech needed the shamir worm and sent Benayahu (the head of the Sanhedrin)to get it. Benayahu captures the King of the Demons, Ashmodai, and he tells King Shlomo & Benayahu how to find a certain bird that is entrusted with the shamir worm that Shlomo needs to quarry stones w/o using metal tools. Benayahu puts a glass cover on the nest so when the bird comes back from wherever, it will try to feed this shamir worm to it’s young. It puts the worm on the glass and Benayahu gets takes the worm. The bird who lets this happen then gets so upset that it chokes itself to death. The word the gemarah uses for this bird is Tarnigola (Aleph at the end) Bara, which Artscroll translates as a wild cock. I called a friend who is studying ornithology and asked if the word cock is ever used in relation to female birds, thinking that it is usually mother birds who feed their young. He said cock in reference to birds is always male. I don’t know who came up with the translation, but I guess he didn’t fully realize the gender issue. My friend also mentioned that between my wife’s melons and the wild cock, my posts are getting to raunchy. Hey, I’m not the guy with the thesaurus! Here are some more of this week’s weird phrase (in my opinion).
68b1 note 12: The shamir cleaves asunder to any hard object it comes in contact with. Asunder: Encarta-into separate parts, pieces, or places
69A1 The Gemarah is listing illnesses, one being blindness. The note translates blindness into heralopia, of which I can find no definition!
69B1 I just love this due the alliteration. Instead of saying an alternate text, the note reads “a variant version of text”.
Have Thesaurus, will travel!

The End of an Era (or my car died)

2008-09-15T20:21:00.003-04:00

So as my Rov told me, baruch dayon ha’emes. My ’97 Bonneville finally died. It was a long time in coming, and it was the worst investment we ever made. The sad part is that someone in my immediate family has owned a Pontiac for the last 40 years. So goes the end of an era. I was really lucky to be able to get a 2001 Camry. Driving a Japanese car is definitely a different experience. First, even though it’s a used car, nothing rattles. It was always something I looked forward to in an American car, getting used to the sounds. Every GM I ever owned had its own unique sounds at different RPM’s, and I could tell if something was going wrong by different rattles. Not in this car, everything feels like one solid piece. It also doesn’t have unwieldy pieces of non functional molding that fall off. This falling off of pieces of car is a way us American car owners gauged how much longer our cars would last, as well as how “Yeshivish” our cars looked. It also would help us keep our wardrobes current, because you’d be likely to rip your pants on a stray bracket that used to hold on a piece of molding, so then you’d need new pants. The new shirt would come from the invariable grease stains you’d get while jumping your car because a light was left on and the battery got drained. Japanese cars tend to shut the lights out after an allotted time. GM cars as a rule also have bizarre electrical problems. My Bonneville had a short that caused the engine to die right in the middle of normal driving. I’d be halfway down the street and everything would shut off. It would refuse to start up again. My mechanic charged me $400.00 to change a module. The same problem happened a week later when I had a day off and decided to take my daughter to the Children’s Museum in Staten Island. AAA charged me for tolls, and I was panicked because I had no idea where I was specifically, and it was at that point in time when my daughter was toilet training. No bathrooms in the middle of unknown residential neighborhoods! The problem persisted so many times that my mechanic eventually ripped out many parts of the electrical system, and as a result the domino effect of things not working properly took place. (BTW, my mechanic never charged me more than the original $400.00 and worked on the problem four separate times). What finally got me in the end was the fuel and break lines corroding through. So goodbye Bonneville and hello a used car in our price range. A non-descript plain gray Toyota Camry with a plain gray interior. My wife said we should just put a black hat on it and pronounce it Jewish.
Anyway, I got to thinking about Japanese cars. Do sales drop on Pearl Harbor Day? And just how did the Japanese start making better cars than us? The obvious answer is that we bombed them! Let’s just take a look at history. Bomb the Japanese, get Honda and Toyota. Bomb Korea, get a Kia. Bomb Germany and get Audi, BMW, Volkswagen, and Mercedes-Benz. Now I finally know why we’re at war with Iraq! We need better made Iraqi cars! Now if Mr. Bush could only bomb Detroit…

Why we're still in galus

2008-09-14T10:41:00.002-04:00

It's things like this that push normal people away from being religious. I think it's so bad it speaks for itself. Gilmour thought it was funny to tape it to my front door!

Do you like it?

2008-09-08T20:52:00.005-04:00

While reading today’s NY Post, I became very disheartened by the article about a transgender professor at YU. (sighted by VIN) I felt it was necessary for me to point out some definitions.
Tolerance: the acceptance of the differing views of other people, e.g. in religious or political matters, and fairness toward the people who hold these different views
Acceptance: the realization of a fact or truth and the process of coming to terms with it
Now I'm a pretty tolerant guy, but if I choose to send my child to an institution that has frum jewish ideas, then I expect the staff will be supportive of those ideas both in and out of the class. So what if it's a poetry class. And just because you have the convictions of your faith doesn't mean you are a whacko. Do I have friends who are religious that are shall we say different? yes. But once you come out in public, it's like slapping people across the face. If I were to decide I can openly eat treif, and still be frum, would you want me as your role model? I'll tolerate this guys decision, but to make it seem as if there is no problem is a problem within itself. To accept it without comment is ridiculous.

Virtual Mechilah

2008-09-08T20:30:00.003-04:00

So who’s ready to stay up until1:00 AM next Motzei Shabbos for selichos? Not me, but I’ll be there anyway. I understand that it’s better to say selichos early in the morning, and this shows a level of dedication and tesuvah, but I just get tired. I find selichos very difficult because I don’t really know what most of it means (even with the Artscroll)! Do any of you feel that selichos would be better if there were brief classes of comments on it the way my Rov explains select kinnos? Yeah, it would take forever, but would it be better that just blowing through it?
Also, I am granting a virtual mechilah to anyone I offend. If you still don’t like the blog, simply click elsewhere.

Self Promotion

2008-09-07T10:59:00.002-04:00

Why shouldn't I use my blog to help myself a little? I am a special ed. teacher by profession. Here is a link to the website I work for. I know there is non Jewish stuff there, but I'm interested in feed back. Have fun! Mightybook

The minyan factory.

2008-09-03T20:18:00.002-04:00

With all due respect to Frum Satire, I feel I’m entitled to make some observations about things in Flatbush. I have a lot of Hakoras Hatov to Landau’s minyan factory for being there, especially for mincha, but I don’t particularly enjoy the experience. I wonder if g-d looks down and sees a virtual turnstile of people running in and out, davening as they do, and popping back out. It just doesn’t feel “spiritual” to me, more like an obligation. There is dourness to the individuals there, a hollowness to their eyes. I think it has to do with the “factory” not being a community but an open door place of worship. As if to say, come in, get accosted by tzedakah collectors, and get out. It also has a certain odor that many bais hamedreshes have, the combined smell of lots of people’s breath, and it bothers me. Turn down the A/C and open the windows, will you? I particularly like to see the groups I put people into. There are always the 50-65 year old Flatbush guys, black hat, white shirt, and a short gray/white beard. These are the people who moved in 25 years ago, and are wondering when their houses appreciated to a million dollars. They still can’t keep up with the bills, and have sons and/or daughters who are still expecting them to foot the bill for kollel, tuition, large weddings, or a house. They are not afforded the opportunity to think about retirement, and as a result have a haggard/haunted look on their faces. Then there are the hockers in white shirts, no jacket. You can almost always find them in a group toward the exit close to the coffee machine. The blackberrys going off by “accident” are a clear giveaway. There are the handy man/mechanic type guys in their coveralls, covered with flecks of paint, and grease on their hands that have dropped everything to find a quorum. There are the Chassidim who are chuckling away. A note about the Chassidim, you usually don’t find them in groups at Landaus. Two streimle guys here, a few “up hats” there and a smattering of other denominations in various corners. For some reason, there is always one guy in a large sefardic yarmulke, but only one. There is always a weirdo (I use the term loosely) talking out loud to himself while pacing back and forth across the entire shul. The YU guys are easy to spot, they don’t come all that much. When they do come, you see them in a white shirt and hat, clean shaven, not quite preppy, and never rumpled. 2-3 times a day, a group home councilor will come in with clients, and you get to hear the inspiring but slightly ill timed “amen”. There is me (no hat and jacket, suede yarmulke, sneakers), and a few more like me. Then there are the tzedakah collectors. Some come with letters, others are just waving stacks of bills in your face and expecting you to add to the pile. There are the ladies outside, and they guys collecting for Israel, Hacnosas Kallah, or hold overs from those who lost their shirts in the stock market. There are the guys who bring their kids with pushkas so elicit pity and nachas as you slowly loose your preciously horded quarters you needed for the parking meters on Ave J. All this for a 15 minute mincha makes it a unique experience.
What kind of experience is entirely up to you.

Artscroll words of the week

2008-09-03T17:26:00.003-04:00

Today’s Artsrcoll words are dedicated to one of my favorite super heroes, the Incredible Hulk. The Gemara is talking about things that become Orlah, and do items that change (like being crushed or ground intoother things)become batul. The larger context is also talking about paying back debt with forbidden things (Orlah, Piggul, Maser whatever..)mixed in. Note 4 on page 54b1 “regarding Orlah and expensive nuts, the smasher is held liable even if the nuts are smashed, and they do not become batul” I’m reading this and hearing in my head “Hulk Smash”! Nice to know that even in biblical times, there were those who in order to get out of debt would smash their own and other peoples nuts.

Also, I’m getting sick of the words inasmuch and usufruct. I’m thinking of banning their use in scrabble and boggle.
Usufruct- legal right to use another's property: the legal right to use and enjoy the advantages or profits of another person's property
Early 17th century. Latin usufructus, variant of ususfructus "use (and) enjoyment" usus (see use) + fructus "enjoyment"-Encarta
Smasher-not listed in any source I could find!

Looking over my shoulder & Who do you love?

2008-09-02T21:06:00.003-04:00

OK, a post about my Mrs. first, she thanks all of those who enjoy her carving skills. She is a speech pathologist, and hates when rabbaim strain their voices when giving sermons. She just yelled (read spoke to me lovingly)at me again because she enjoys reading over my shoulder (she is currently forbidding me from writing various things). She likes to cook lasagna for people, and hates when I bug her. She (and I) both like rotissere chicken that stands up (see photo) We're going on 11 years. She enjoys pointing out and taking credit for my gray hairs. We did not meet through a shadchun. She enjoys when I look at her when attempting to sing Eishes Chayil, because I always loose the place and she cracks up. Jacob Da Jew used to live downstairs from us, and got me into this blogging thing. My wife doesn't want her own blog, so she lives vicariously over my shoulder.

Playing House

2008-09-02T20:18:00.004-04:00

So I'm reading this article on YWNews about the high cost of seminary and what Rabbaim can do about the cost and the "situation". Now I must admit, my daughter is only 5 and I only recently have been complaining about tuition-BUT-my mother in law always warned us, if you are old enough to play house, you are old enough to PAY house. Would I make my kids take out student loans to pay for that kind of thing? I think so. Life isn't free. Segway into who is responsible to pay... Guys have the obligation in their Kesuba to support the wife. The kollel wife supporting the husband is a volunteer thing. I think that the proliferation of this lifestyle gives us all a bad impression that there is such a thing as a free ride, until it's your turn to pay.

First day back

2008-09-02T17:50:00.004-04:00

Well, today was the day the students came back to public school. My class has 4 "crisis" students, all with their own behavior management paras. My staff is overall very good this year, and I am told that one of my most difficult "crisis" kids is not coming back. My new principal is an interesting lady. She painted her office bright purple. I have not had any direct dealings with her to make a decision if I like her or not. Wish me luck!

My Wife's Melons (Get your mind out of the gutter!)

2008-09-01T13:24:00.010-04:00

For those of you that are married, I'm sure your wives have hobbies or interests that really are fun and interesting. My wife likes to be creative in the kitchen, but because I have a lighter work schedule, I get to do most of the cooking, and I am boring. My kids eat the same things over and over again, and for Shabbos, I always make the same thing. One day, my wife came home with this book called "Aristocratic Fruit" (Tammy Polatsek). She started to make fruit platters and is pretty darned good at it. She then "graduated" to carving melons. She did the D one for our niece's birthday, the ARA one for an engagement, the bird one, which was very time consuming has the hieroglyphic initials of a chosson and kallah in the fan. What can I say, I'm very proud of her melo...I mean ...skills.

Ranting Again

2008-08-31T21:43:00.004-04:00

As mentioned in my earlier posts, ranting is a prime reason to have a blog, so here I go. If I pay for a month of phone service, I want the full month. I'm sure you'd agree. I am really mad that I have to pay full yeshiva tuition and they have random half days, and every erev and isru chag off. If the yeshivos want us working parents to be able to pay full tuition and then some for the people who need scholorships, they need to realize that we who have to be at work need to be at work full days, every day and on time. Otherwise, please provide daycare if you can't provide a classroom. If your're having half the month off for chagim, be selective on the erev's and isru chag. I would argue that Rabbaim have more time to prepare being that their job's are less hourly. Give me my moneys worth. Please!

Shidduch Crisis?

2008-08-30T22:28:00.001-04:00

Last week, my wife and I took our kids to Liberty Science Center. There was an obvious shidduch date there, and I asked my wife why the guy couldn’t leave his hat in the car. Does wearing a hat during a date make you a more “desirable” commodity? Have we come to such stupidity? I asked my neighbor “Gilmour” (so dubbed by Jacob Da Jew) his feelings, and if the shidduch crisis was somewhat manufactured by our own stupidity. He agreed that much of it is. He told me of a girl he knows who broke up with a guy because the guy rolled up his sleeves. I can understand looking into a prospective mate. My Rav told me his wife checked him out during davening to see how he davened before they got married. What’s the silliest reason you know that people break a shidduch?

Artscroll words of the week

2008-08-30T22:16:00.001-04:00

Sorry for the tardiness, but the Artscroll words of the week are from last week’s parsha (Re’eh) from the Stone Chumash on page 1000.
1. Homiletically- A: relating to, or in the style of, a sermon or homily. (Encarta)
B: relating to the art of writing and preaching sermons. (Encarta)
2. Verdant- green with vegetation or foliage (Encarta)

Have Thesaurus will travel!

Frum Stuff

2008-08-28T12:59:00.004-04:00

If you ever read my first post, I think you'll get the idea that honest discussion doesn't exist in the "frum" community at the level that it should. I think this article in vos is neias relates and is interesting.

Bitten Again

2008-08-27T09:56:00.000-04:00

While dropping off some lasagna at Jacob Da Jew’s home, I had to take the time to just chill in the really nice yard he has. I was also privileged to meet frumpunk. Da Jew’s got a nice setup, and the baby is really cute! The only drawback was getting nine new mosquito bites inside of 15 minutes. While schmoozing, we had sent our kids in to hang with Jacobs kids, and some of my neighbors kids who we took with us to visit the baby & “Mrs. Jacob Da Jew” because sometimes adults want to have adult conversations. (We being my other neighbor “Gillmore” who was thoughtful enough to get some beer to go with the lasagna). My son who is 9 going on 20 informed Jacob’s Mrs. that “We were sent inside so my dad and his friends can talk about inappropriate things and use inappropriate words”. The words, as those of you who know me are not inappropriate. I almost never use objectionable words because I don’t like them. I guess I have to work on his Lashon Harah a bit. What do you do when the kids don’t want to hang out with the kids anymore? And more importantly, how was the lasagna?

Anonymity For Everyone

2008-08-26T16:51:00.001-04:00

This post is a response to the jblog stuff that’s being espoused by experts (here and here for example). My feeling is that blogging is a way at this point to:

Rant.
Be anonymous. Lion of Zion even asks in his comments “Please make up a name instead of signing "anon."
Ask questions you’d be a little hesitant to ask. Jacob Da Jew
Read a D’var Torah you’d be interested in, and ask those questions that your high school rebbe would sigh about.
Rant.
Make a point without fancy English. (When I find a good Artscroll word of the day, I post it)!
Find a niche
Did I say rant?
Praktise speling skls.
Learn how to think. Let’s face it, the more you write, and re-read your own work, the smarter you’ll be. Writing really helps you organize your thoughts. I think that’s why I like the children’s book “Dear Mr. Henshaw” .

Feeling Chicken

2008-08-26T09:05:00.000-04:00

Is it just me, or is everybody else just as squeamish when it comes to Kaporos? I was reading an article about PETA starting it’s “war” on Kaporos and it got me thinking. In this great age of technology, why not have “Virtual Kaporos”? A simple flash program could be made to have chickens flying in circles. You could in theory choose and customize your chicken, and have a list of tzedakas where the value of the chicken you create is automatically sent to. The program could even help you with the brachos, yehi ratzons etc… For more chicken fun click here here and here.

Back to Brooklyn

2008-08-24T20:50:00.000-04:00

Why be normal?

So my neighbors came back from camp today, and they looked so great for about two minutes. I asked what the problem was, and they said that they were sad to come back to Brooklyn because everyone in the camp was normal. To be specific, they said no one was a faker or judgmental, and everyone was genuine. There was also a noticeable lack of characters and weirdoes. I was glad to hear that in a setting for children, the camp lacked Machers, Hockers, uniquely scented tzedakah collectors and so on. Personally, I like weirdoes because they have the most introspective and interesting views about life in general, and Judaism in specific. I don’t like being accosted for tzedakah when I go to daven Mincha. Once or twice is OK, but why should it be acceptable for people to shove wads of cash into my face while I’m davening and expect me to give them more? I do sympathize with some of them, but there has got to be a better way. I wonder how much the average collector makes in a day. I also always wonder what minyan they daven with. Getting back to the subject, I’d have to agree that out of town is better than here sometimes. But where else can you get a shawarma at 1:00 in the morning?

Vacation 2

2008-08-24T12:14:00.000-04:00

Vacation part 2.

So here is the rest of our vacation. As I said in my last post, we went to the Philadelphia zoo. It’s a good place to go because it’s big enough to be a real zoo, and small enough that you can do the whole zoo without being exhausted at the end. I also like zoos that have lions, tigers and bears. I always feel that the Prospect Park, Queens, and Staten Island zoos are a let down because there’s such a lack of animals. Also, we went early. This is always a great idea because by the time the zoo gets packed, and the heat of the day hits, you can be on your way home and still feel you got what you were overcharged for. A note about the hippos. My kids have an “Uncle” who comes over to our house a lot. One time we were all out for pizza, and my kids were playing with a claw machine, and won this stuffed hippopotamus. They started showing my friend the hippo and just saying “hippo-o-o-po-o-otomuuuus”. This eventually led to my friend (my kid’s “Uncle”) starting and ending conversations by saying –Hippo! Good morning-Hippo! Did you get my e-mail-Hippo! Good Shabbos-Hippo! Of course, it gets a little annoying to th e kids, that’s really the point, but it’s a part of my kids’ fun. Of course, we now email and photo anything having to do with a hippo.

We went to the Franklin Institute for the second day, and there was a hippo’s heart in one of the displays. (Of course, we sent a picture to him!). On the subject of the Franklin Institute, we did the whole museum. They had a really nice exhibit of a pirate ship, the Wydah . The display was really cool and informative but not for kids. I was really happy to ride on the steam engine. It moves for about 10 feet. My son got to “drive” it by working some of the controls with “help” form the conductor at the museum. It’s actually been there since 1933! Truthfully, they could use an update to make more interactive stuff, and there is plenty of technology that could be used to enhance older exhibits, but all in all, it was a great air conditioned place to be on a 90 degree + day!

Next, we were off to http://www.clementonpark.com/ . We all like it better than Sesame Place. It was like someone took Sesame and squeezed it all
together so you didn’t get exhausted going from one end to the other. The price was better too!

The last place we went was http://www.cherrycrestfarm.com . The place was immaculately clean, and the kids had a great time. I really liked that the Strasburg railroad rumbles right through the middle every 20 minutes or so. It gives such a “country” ambiance to the place.

This week, it’s back to school. What did you do on your vacation?

Vacation, Lakewood, Carlbach

2008-08-17T15:31:00.000-04:00

So we went to my parents for vacation...
Now I have to admit, going home is always a trip. One of the things that I really like (aside from the familiar and mostly comical fights) is the sheer amount of food my mom makes for us. This is really touching considering how picky my kids are. She really tries, and I get to be the beneficiary of many delicious foods, and leftovers ( I like leftovers until Tuesday). On another topic, my shul is one in a older section of town. I was asked, as were a few others to make this weekend work to be here because of the lack of people for a minyan. This led to a weird but enjoyable Friday night. Someone who knew of the shuls minyan woes invited his brother in law, who asked to please daven Kabalas Shobbos. He also is a "Carlbacher". He told us straight out that he would only sing Carlbach, and start with Ydid Nefesh, which my shul never sings. He had a very pleasant voice, and I enjoyed him. The person next to me who was visiting from Lakewood did not seem to enjoy this kind of davening. He kept on asking me when we should start dancing around the bima. I pointed out to this guy (whom I know from when he was born BTW) that he is a Levi. I reminded him that when the Third Bayis comes, it will be his job to sing and dance. He did not seem to appreciate me pointing this out. I also have to point out Mr. Lakewoods little boy. This boy is one of a set of triplets, and was very cute. He asked me where my beard was. I feigned shock, and started looking around for it. I asked him if it was under the bench, maybe someone cut it off while I wasn't looking and hid it under one of the benches. He then told me that shuls don't have benches. I assured him that he was correct and that he and his father were sitting in a pew. This was enough to send him running out of the shul to play with his brothers outside. Last, today we went to visit the Philadelphia Zoo. I really liked the variety of animals, and it was a good size. I really liked the hippos!

2008-08-15T09:07:00.000-04:00

Today’s Artscroll phrase of the day comes from Page 35 A2, Note 10 in the brackets. The gemarah is talking about women swearing that she did not yet collect or receive her Kesubah. The woman in question swears using a weird phrasing, even after Rav assured the practice of swearing in this circumstance. Ok, enough. Here it is:
[As found often in the bible, an oath can take the form of an elliptical statement witch omits specific mention of an implied curse].
Encarta: elliptical
1 - mathematics in the shape or pattern of a geometric ellipse
2 - grammar relating to ellipsis or containing an example of ellipsis
3 - extremely concise in speech or writing, sometimes so concise as to be difficult or impossible to understand
Have thesaurus will travel!