So it's summer

I ran into Jacob Da Jew today who gave me a reprimand for being so conspicuously absent. I have been doing some work for an online company and it's taken much of my time. Sorry.
Some points I've been meaning to write about:
1. Mrs. LakewoodFallingDown and I celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary!
2. Two weeks ago's Daf talks about having a Sela coin that gets rubbed out. The Gemorah tells us an appropriate way to get damaged coinage off of the market is to make a hole in it an give to to your son or daughter to wear. So jewelry for men (and boys) was promoted. It made me feel good, because I am the only one in m Shul that wears a ring.
3. I had the foresight to buy sand toys for a beach wedding we attended, and my kids, nieces and nephews had a blast digging by the Chuppah.
4. I love when everyone empties out to the mountains. I can find parking in Brooklyn.
5. I did Monster Island for this years cultural fair in public school. Give things a latitude and longitude, add some pictures, and anything can be believed (the native food was Soylent Green).
6. Our tuition bill for next year included an $800.00 "family assessment" fee. What the heck does that mean?!
7. I discovered that Treppinwitz and I both love root beer.
8. We painted our apartment, and made our bathroom dark blue (looks good)!
9. Paperwork stinks.
10. I don't have a facebook or twitter account. Someone set up a facebook account with my name, but it does not lik to me nor does it exsist anywhere I can find.
More updates when I have time!

Lost in Translation

Apparently, Artscroll is now worthy of it's own study. VIN posts this article about a study on how Artscroll has influenced the "frum" world. I have to agree with one of the comments that most of their translations are source based, even if you don't agree with them. They do not do well with accurately portraying Gedolim. The book "My Uncle the Netziv" is a great example, as does the omission of Rav Kook from most of their references. On the whole, I don't hate them, hating anything other than microwaved broccoli is stupid. But they do walk the walk, and that is why Lakewood continues Falling Down.

It has the "Ring" of truth or Are your Ears Ringing

OK, so Mrs. LFD doesn't want me to write about this, but if I change the names to protect the innocent...
Anyway, most yeshivas these days are really hurting financially. The market has caused people who used to donate $100,000.00 to maybe $10,000.00. Even worse, those of us who are poor like me went from the $25.00 table at the Chinese auctions to the $10.00 tables. You get the idea, there is less all around. Just to keep in the Lakewood Falling Down spirit, I'll point out that Kollel life when you depend on others is going to take a big hit. No more free ride. Anyway, Mrs. LFD tells me of a couple she knows that interviewed their first child for a certain yeshiva. The first kid means you pay full tuition. No discounts, we need the money, so pay up. I have no problem with this, a yeshiva can't run on air. The interview went well, and everybody was happy. Until the yeshiva in question expressed the desire for the Mr. to consider removing his wedding band. What? This is now priority? I know that there are Mr.'s in this yeshiva who wear a ring. I am hoping this is a fluke. I was once reading a blog (please excuse me I can't remember who's, please comment if it was you so I can link) about a girl pointing out how it's unfair for the single girls at weddings when they "shop". A wedding ring is like a giant "not for sale" sign that makes it easier. That aside, I can understand if you interview for a Chassidish yeshiva, and they tell you sorry, you need to have long payos and dress the part. But for our mainstream yeshivos, especially the more middle of the road ones, don't alienate people. I wonder if these parents are still on the mailing list for donations. Come to think of it, they probably are. They wouldn't dream of taking Nekamah. Sort of a catch 22 don't you think?

So you think you can "Jew"

This is a follow up post regarding the in gathering of exiles. Now, I won't pass judgment on anyone who claims to be a Jew. I was just thinking, who would be the funniest people to reclaim their lost "Jewhood"?

1. The cast of Gilligan's Island. Eventually they should qualify as a "lost tribe".
2. The Bloods- and not to be outdone,
3. The Cryps. They could fight what colors go on the tribal Degel
4. Just so I don't discriminate, I'll throw in the Latin Kings.
5. Chasidim.
6. YU guys.
7. Misnagdim.
8. Modern Orthodox.
9. Lubavitch
10. United Union of Professional Clowns (linked in case you don't believe this exsits)
11. Pig Farmers Union
13. Hatzolah of Flatbush- Hat Tip to Logic 613!
Truthfully, I don't know why people want to be a part of the Jews. It's a difficult path, and if your not an FFB, you can encounter more discrimination than Barak Obama at a KKK convention. Do non Jews really feel we are the chosen people and want in? Maybe some of them. I have two black "Israelites" in my school who believe Ashkenazic European Jews are totally fake, and not Jews at all. To them, I am a faker, and not just because I'm orthodox. They believe that they are the chosen. I also get weird comments at times, but maybe it's just me. Feel free to add to the list.

On another subject entirely, my spider phobia continues with this article that a spider is missing-in space!

Post Rosh Hashonah

So we've moved into the new year (5769). The stock market crashed, got bailed out (pending the house vote) and life goes on. I really try to have kavanah and daven for a good year for everyone, but It gets hard to concentrate for so long. I'm struck by how fast the Chagim seem to zoom by. I told Mrs. LFD, you know you're old when you know most of Davening for Rosh Hashonah and Yom Kippur by heart (well a lot of it anyway). There are always some things that bug me about Rosh Hashonah davening. First of all, I may be turning into a grumpy old man because my seat in my shul is right next to the main door, and I can hear the kids running back and forth screaming. I actually got one of the gabboim at one point. The kids, quite creatively strung a bunch of plastic hangars across the coatroom and were having a volley ball game. While entertaining, they were also spiking the ball (laffy taffys) onto the younger kids heads for fun. Call me a kill joy. I also sit right under an air conditioning duct. My shul has the airconditioning set at 66 degrees. When I'm sitting still, and especailly when I'm fasting, which to all intensive purposes I am until 2:00 on Rosh Hashonah, I get cold. I have no desire to come down with a cold before going into Sukkos. Grumpy, grumpy, grumpy. Of course there are the tunes. Now, I like a majority of the tunes my shul uses, but some are downright dirge-like. I looked around the room at one point expecting to see druids in long robes. Who else chants like that? Last on the list of things I don't like are the shul talkers. I actually went over to a pair of them during krias hatorah and said "There is no talking during krias hatorah on Rosh Hashonah or any other time". Of course, the person I was talking to was coincidentally then called up for an aliyah... Oh well, at least I got to have my fish head!

Anonymity For Everyone

This post is a response to the jblog stuff that’s being espoused by experts (here and here for example). My feeling is that blogging is a way at this point to:

1. Rant.
2. Be anonymous. Lion of Zion even asks in his comments “Please make up a name instead of signing "anon."
3. Ask questions you’d be a little hesitant to ask. Jacob Da Jew
4. Read a D’var Torah you’d be interested in, and ask those questions that your high school rebbe would sigh about.
5. Rant.
6. Make a point without fancy English. (When I find a good Artscroll word of the day, I post it)!
7. Find a niche
8. Did I say rant?
9. Praktise speling skls.
10. Learn how to think. Let’s face it, the more you write, and re-read your own work, the smarter you’ll be. Writing really helps you organize your thoughts. I think that’s why I like the children’s book “Dear Mr. Henshaw” .